6/7/2008

Today...well, technically, it was yesterday...I began to feel a long-suppressed desire creeping back into the light once more, the desire to leave behind everyone and everything I love or hate and run away to start anew somewhere in Texas. I don't know what it is about the Lone Star State that has been beckoning me for so long, aside from the minimal winters. Nothing ever seems to work out in the tattered tapestry that is my life. Most of the people I have considered friends no longer reside in the area, and I am slowly coming to realize I dislike my career choice. I am not exactly sure what served as the catalyst for all of this, but I do know that it dates back to a time before my family fell apart. Leaving the area is something I started thinking about when I was 19 or so, and it has popped up intermittently ever since. Welcome back...I guess.

One of my favorite bands, Porcupine Tree, recorded a song called “Prodigal” for their 2002 release entitled In Absentia. I’ve never been able to relate to any single song as much as I do this one. And even though I don’t listen to that album as much as I once did, this song’s message still feels just as familiar as I remember it that first time.

“Prodigal” - by Porcupine Tree

I don't know whose side I'm on
I don't think that I belong round here
If I left the stage, would that be wrong?

I tried to find myself a better way
I got religion, but I went astray
They took my money, and I lost my faith

Rain keeps crawling down the glass
The good times never seem to last
Close your eyes and let the thought pass

I tried the capsule, and I tried the smoke
I tried to aid escape like normal folk
But I never seemed to get the joke

These are my old clothes
This is a new low
This is my blood flow
This is my headstone

I spend my days with all my friends
They're the ones on who my life depends
I'm gonna miss them when the series ends

Rain keeps crawling down the glass
(Pull yourself together)
The good times never seem to last
(You know it's not so bad)
Close your eyes and let the thought pass
(Close your eyes and let it pass)